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Ten Things Humans Should Know About ‘The Predator’

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The title alien reacts to having to sit through the movie

The Predator, the latest and by far the worst movie on the now-30-year-old-series, opens in theaters this weekend. Read on to see if you should see it (spoiler alert: no) before it leaves theaters in a few days.

1. What is the movie about?

An alien hunter comes to earth to, well, hunt, and ends up fighting a future governor.

No, that’s not the plot of this movie, but I’m hoping that if you decide you need a Predator fix this weekend, you’ll make the sensible choice of re-watching the 1987 original film and save yourself from enduring this one.

2. What is the movie rated?

It’s rated R for language, extreme violence and gore, and being supremely stupid.

3. Will I like it?

No.

4. Should I take the kids?

I’m guessing that as a parent, you love your children. So, no.

5. Is it really that bad?

Here’s the easiest way to answer: literally every frame of this movie is dumber than Arnold Schwarzenegger outrunning a nuclear explosion.

6. When should I sneak out to pee?

About two minutes in. And then, don’t come back.

7. Is it worth seeing on IMAX or large format?

It’s not worth seeing at all, in any format. It isn’t worth paying normal admission price for, much less premium admission. It won’t even be worth watching for free on Netflix when it shows up there in a few weeks.

8. Is there anything after the credits?

There was literally nothing that could have made me sit in the theater for one moment longer than I needed to, so I didn’t stick around to see. But even if there was? No one cares.

9. To be fair, it’s gotten horrible reviews. Why did you go see it?

Because by the time my friend and I showed up to the theater, a lot of people who are smarter than us had already taken all of the not-front-row seats to see A Simple Favor, and we were in the mood for a movie, so we thought, “eh, what the heck?” As it turned out, going back out to my car and sitting there for two hours staring blankly out the window would have been a better choice.

10. Will there be more movies in the franchise?

Honestly, I hope so, since until last night I genuinely liked this franchise. But I hope that they decide to pull a Terminator and reboot and just pretend like this movie never happened, both because everyone needs to pretend it didn’t happen, and also, because this movie radically retcons the Predators, and does it in a really awful way. Like, introducing Darth Vader and Boba Fett as whiny kids awful.

11. Wait, really?

Yes, but this is now number 11, and I said in the title that there were only 10 things, and please just trust me that I don’t want to write or talk or even think about this movie ever again.

Click through to read all of "Ten Things Humans Should Know About ‘The Predator’" at GeekDad.If you value content from GeekDad, please support us via Patreon or use this link to shop at Amazon. Thanks!

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jimwise
1 day ago
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Wow, ouch
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webshit weekly

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An annotated digest of the top "Hacker" "News" posts for the third week of September, 2018.

SageMath – Open-Source Mathematical Software System
September 15, 2018 (comments)
Someone made a calculator, which I used to ascertain that this article received over five votes for every comment posted. Hackernews doesn't have much use for non-Tensorflow-related mathematics, but they'd never admit this to anyone, so when the calculator creator shows up in the comments to socialize, there is a line waiting to pose whatever question might make the poser look informed. Fortunately, an argument breaks out about whether university education is worth pursuing, so Hackernews plops right back into the comfort zone.

Linus Torvalds apologizes for his behavior, takes time off
September 16, 2018 (comments)
Surprisingly, the behavior for which Torvalds apologizes is not the Linux® kernel, but instead a propensity to swear at fuckwits. Torvalds decided to take a step back and leave things in the hands of the people who most consistently defend the behavior now considered incorrect. Every single Hackernews alive is jam-packed with idiotic "insights" gleaned from whatever shitbird's middle-management blog shows up most frequently in Feedly, and so open warfare erupts almost immediately. Depending on which cross-section of partisan fuckery was consumed by a given Hackernews, we learn that brutal honesty is the instrument of society's salvation or else it is the Fimbulwinter that precedes the end. Swearing on mailing lists is either a weapon carefully constructed to marginalize women or else it is the last remaining shred of Finnish culture, under constant threat. Being a dickhead to people who are paid to put up with your shit is a privilege of era-defining genius or a character deficiency normally reserved for Shakespearian kings. The most popular comments, however, narrate the mental gymnastics Hackernews is willing to perform to excuse any non-pecuniary transgression, so long as Hackernews can reassure us that they agree with the audience... no matter what the audience thinks. Nuance: the shortest path to abdication Silicon Valley has ever invented.

EU to stop changing the clocks in 2019
September 17, 2018 (comments)
Hackernews finds another news article about some shit they discussed last week. This time around, the focus is on politics; a thread about a Californian referendum leads to hundreds of Hackernews failing to communicate their respective misunderstandings of both law and timekeeping. Following that, the OCONUS Hackernews gather around to tell each other that fiddling with rules about clocks is what makes the rest of the world superior to the backwards nation that inexplicably dominates Earth. That thread only makes it to a few dozen posts before it devolves into a priori arguments about Brexit. The rest of the comments are pining for changes in US state laws, some of which happened over a decade ago.

Life in the Spanish city that banned cars
September 18, 2018 (comments)
In typical Grauniad fashion, the headline is almost comically inaccurate: the city in question barred cars from two neighborhoods and unsurprisingly made traffic worse in the surrounding area. Hackernews picks up the "America is doing it wrong" drum from yesterday's party and plays a new song with it. The Society for the Advancement of Robot Cars attempts to propagandize, but the lure of bragging about not owning a car is too strong for anything to take root. Later, the amateur urban planners reconstruct whatever city they last saw, while the fake economists debate whether the agency of discretionary travel is an actual benefit to civic freedom or just a phantom designed to extract money from rubes.

Ticketmaster recruits pros for secret scalper program
September 19, 2018 (comments)
Ticketmaster expands its sales team. Hackernews is outraged, because they did it without releasing an app. Large scaffolding appears in the comment thread as Hackernews tries to construct a sturdy exception to laissez-faire capitalism which will allow them to get into concerts cheaper without admitting that some markets require regulation... because everyone in Silicon Valley knows where that particular missile lands.

People Like You More Than You Know
September 20, 2018 (comments)
Hackernews, possibly the demographic least in need of a confidence boost, finds a fluff piece about some half-assed "research" they can use to convince themselves everyone else thinks Hackernews are great. A couple hundred of them show up in the comments to recount every time anyone complimented them, and to rue the dearth of habitual praise in their workplaces. Nobody brings up impostor syndrome, probably because it's not a syndrome if you really are an impostor. Near the end, a few Hackernews copy their "I don't care what anyone thinks" manifestos from their early-2000s MySpace pages.

NewSQL databases fail to guarantee consistency and I blame Spanner
September 21, 2018 (comments)
An academic notices that shitty databases break a lot. Hackernews tediously describes all the myriad ways their webshit requires lightning-fast responses from backend data stores; those "loading" throbbers and progress bars are for javascript startup waits, not the 1,400 concurrent user-tracking updates triggered by every mouse pointer movement!

Linux® is the registered trademark of Linus Torvalds in the U.S. and other countries.

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jimwise
3 days ago
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Lol
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Linus Torvalds: ‘I Need to Change Some of My Behavior, and I Want to Apologize to the People That My Personal Behavior Hurt’

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Linus Torvalds, announcing that he’s taking a break from Linux kernel development:

This is my reality. I am not an emotionally empathetic kind of person and that probably doesn’t come as a big surprise to anybody. Least of all me. The fact that I then misread people and don’t realize (for years) how badly I’ve judged a situation and contributed to an unprofessional environment is not good.

This week people in our community confronted me about my lifetime of not understanding emotions. My flippant attacks in emails have been both unprofessional and uncalled for. Especially at times when I made it personal. In my quest for a better patch, this made sense to me. I know now this was not OK and I am truly sorry.

The above is basically a long-winded way to get to the somewhat painful personal admission that hey, I need to change some of my behavior, and I want to apologize to the people that my personal behavior hurt and possibly drove away from kernel development entirely.

I find this both encouraging and inspiring — a counter to the notion that people can’t change. Here’s just one example Torvalds’s infamous style, which until now he was unapologetic about.

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jimwise
7 days ago
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reconbot
4 days ago
Not going to hurt anything
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Can You Distinguish Helvetica from Arial?

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Hand holding a Helvetica card
If you’re a font geek, or just want to challenge your powers of observation, check out David Friedman’s online quiz that asks you to identify which of two nearly identical logos is in Helvetica, as opposed to Arial.

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Backblaze: Online backup with unlimited data. $5/Month. 15 Day Free Trial!

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jimwise
15 days ago
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Nice
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If Only Harvard Had Awarded Trump an Honorary Doctorate…

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Here is Jon Chait on the not-very-surprising revelation that Donald Trump is contemptuous of people with accents and state university degrees:

Deep in a Politico report about President Trump’s attempt to build support for firing Attorney General Jeff Sessions, who Trump loathes for recusing himself from the investigation of a campaign he was part of, is a striking artifact of Trumpism. The president’s swelling complaints against Sessions include the fact that he “doesn’t have the Ivy League pedigree the president prefers” and that Trump “can’t stand his Southern accent.”

Conservatives have spent decades depicting liberals as coastal snobs. Entire campaigns were built from this theme, from Michael Dukakis’s “Harvard Yard boutique” to various Democrats failing to display the requisite enthusiasm for Nascar. Every image of Barack Obama in the right-wing media cast him gazing downward imperiously, a pose that conservatives seemed to think captured his contempt for the good people of the heartland.

Given the attention they have lavished on such picayune details as John Kerry’s failure to order cheesesteak properly, it’s not even possible to imagine what they would do with direct evidence of a president disdaining his attorney general’s University of Alabama law degree and regional accent.

Trump’s entire life has been defined by the constant whiplash of hating all those Harvard elites who look down on him and desperately wanting to be one of them. His populist rants emanate from the former, but his true personality is defined by the latter. If Harvard had been willing to suck it up and give him an honorary doctorate, somebody else would probably be president today.

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jimwise
25 days ago
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Higgins Time

jwz
3 Comments
Tales of batshit political supervillainy like this are why I still subscribe to the tz mailing list.

diff --git a/asia b/asia
index 7166380..5e27d85 100644
--- a/asia
+++ b/asia
@@ -2939,15 +2939,34 @@ Link Asia/Qatar Asia/Bahrain
 # Saudi Arabia
 #
-# From Paul Eggert (2014-07-15):
+# From Paul Eggert (2018-08-29):
 # Time in Saudi Arabia and other countries in the Arabian peninsula was not
-# standardized until relatively recently; we don't know when, and possibly it
+# standardized until 1968 or so; we don't know exactly when, and possibly it
 # has never been made official. Richard P Hunt, in "Islam city yielding to modern times", New York Times (1961-04-09), p 20, wrote that only airlines observed standard time, and that people in Jeddah mostly observed quasi-solar time, doing so by setting their watches at sunrise to 6 o'clock (or to 12 o'clock for "Arab" time).

+# Timekeeping differed depending on who you were and which part of Saudi Arabia you were in. In 1969, Elias Antar wrote that although a common practice had been to set one's watch to 12:00 (i.e., midnight) at sunset - which meant that the time on one side of a mountain could differ greatly from the time on the other side - many foreigners set their watches to 6pm instead, while airlines instead used UTC +03 (except in Dhahran, where they used UTC +04), Aramco used UTC +03 with DST, and the Trans-Arabian Pipe Line Company used Aramco time in eastern Saudi Arabia and airline time in western. (The American Military Aid Advisory Group used plain UTC.) Antar writes, "A man named Higgins, so the story goes, used to run a local power station. One day, the whole thing became too much for Higgins and he assembled his staff and laid down the law. 'I've had enough of this,' he shrieked. 'It is now 12 o'clock Higgins Time, and from now on this station is going to run on Higgins Time.' And so, until last year, it did." See: Antar E. Dinner at When? Saudi Aramco World, 1969 March/April. 2-3.
+# newspapers.com says a similar story about Higgins was published in the Port Angeles (WA) Evening News, 1965-03-10, page 5, but I lack access to the text.

 # The TZ database cannot represent quasi-solar time; airline time is the best we can do. The 1946 foreign air news digest of the U.S. Civil Aeronautics Board (OCLC 42299995) reported that the "... Arabian Government, inaugurated
@@ -2957,7 +2976,8 @@ Link Asia/Qatar Asia/Bahrain
 #
 # Shanks & Pottenger also state that until 1968-05-01 Saudi Arabia had two time zones; the other zone, at UT +04, was in the far eastern part of
-# the country. Ignore this, as it's before our 1970 cutoff.
+# the country. Presumably this is documenting airline time. Ignore this, as it's before our 1970 cutoff.
 #
 # Zone  NAME            GMTOFF  RULES   FORMAT  [UNTIL]
 Zone    Asia/Riyadh     3:06:52 -       LMT     1947 Mar 14

Previously, previously, previously, previously, previously, previously, previously.

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jimwise
25 days ago
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2 public comments
skorgu
19 days ago
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Amazing.
satadru
19 days ago
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The whole thing is amazing: http://archive.aramcoworld.com/issue/196902/dinner.at.when.htm
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